Failure – Creates Confidence. If you let it!

Anyone who has tried and failed and gotten up to try again, adding something different. will tell you, failure is your friend and a mighty teacher and motivator.  

Have you heard this quote by the novelist and poet CS Lewis?
Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.”

Here’s two by Zig Ziglar – Author, salesman and motivational speaker.
“Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”

Here are three by Tony Robbins – Author, Life Coach, Philanthropist, Entrepreneur

“I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.” 

“Identify your problems, but give your power and energy to solutions.” 

Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” – Tony Robbins

 

What is the common thread here?  It’s what we do with our failures that counts. 

Fear of failure in the horse owner world is paralyzing many into inaction. If we try, we will fail and we will succeed, all on the same ride, walk or training session with our horses,  it’s inevitable!

Learn from those mistakes. Observe, compare and remember.  Keep what’s working and stop doing what doesn’t work over and over again.  Learn to become a keen observer by removing our filters and seeing what is actually happening.  The filter of “I can’t, this is hard, my horse doesn’t ___xyz______, and so on.

Tomorrow is not a promise for any of us.  Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

In Traditional Western Psychology – Identify and defeat limiting beliefs are the norm.  Shoma Morita, MD (1874–1938) developed a model of psychology now known as Morita Therapy. Rooted in Zen and borrowing from an Eastern worldview

Consider this point of view!

“Give up on yourself,” Dr. Morita advised. “Begin taking action now, while being neurotic or imperfect, or a procrastinator or unhealthy or lazy or any other label by which you inaccurately describe yourself. Go ahead and be the best imperfect person you can be and get started on those things you want to accomplish before you die.”

Get Going!

If you’re ready to end your habit of procrastination, here are the next four steps:
1. Identify an important, beneficial project or task about which you have been procrastinating.
2. What’s the next step you need to take? Name it, even if it’s just a small task like making a phone call.
3. Noting and accepting any uncomfortable feelings that come up, decide to take action anyway. When are you going to do this thing? Identify a specific day and time. You’ve just made an appointment with yourself.

And now the fun part …
4. Accompanied by trepidation, fear, doubts, indecision, shyness, anxiety or any other demon that happens to show up DO IT. Enjoy the experimental feeling of doing it even in the face of your other feelings.

No question about it: Taking action isn’t always pleasant. But in many ways, it is exhilarating, particularly when it is difficult!

Plus, look at the payoff over the course of a lifetime: a lot more accomplished and a lot less suffering, fretting and regret.

Feeling overwhelmed and underpowered? Do something anyway. As Joan Baez once said, “Action is the antidote to despair.”Mountee

Morita on Emotion

“Action precedes feelings. Many of us devote considerable time and attention to “correcting” our feelings so that we will be free to act. When we overcome our ambivalence and “feel ready,” we say, we will improve our diets. When we overcome our fear, we will leave the job in which we have been miserable for years and look for work that calls upon our true interests and talents. When we learn to love ourselves, we will be able to establish an intimate relationship with another human being. Moritists approach the action-feeling connection from the opposite direction. They take action and correct the outside first, knowing that the inside, the feelings, will follow.”

And in the horse world, people say, when I have enough information, I’ll go out and work on that problem I’m having with my horse.  When I buy the right horse trailer, I’ll address that trailer loading problem my horse has.  When my horse has enough trail riding lessons, I’ll go trail riding.  When it’s not windy, I’ll go work with my horse, when it’s not cold, hot, buggy, muddy, snowing, I’ll go _xyz__.  All alternative ways to avoid emotions.

In Morita’s view, it is most often our focus on our imperfections, rather than the imperfections themselves, that prevents us from realizing our potential and living the most useful, meaningful and enjoyable lives possible. So if you are ready to make a change in your life, start with action, not by trying to change your own nature.

Notice, no one is suggesting “fake it until you make it” here, instead, “take you with you and do it.” Also, do not use this strategy to override real fear for your physical safety.

There is value in the struggle!

When you struggle with a problem and find failure but keep your problem present and struggle through it again and find something different, you’ll find a piece of the solution and as you continue to persist, over time, you will find more and more pieces of the solution, again using the skill of Observe, Compare, Remember.  This is how you build confidence in you and your ability!

The only way you will not succeed is if you quit.

We are right in the middle of the 2018 Winter Olympics where Shaun White just won the gold medal in 1/2 pipe snowboarding.  He was the oldest competitor, physically hurt and scared.  Listen to his mindset shift here if you want to be inspired to overcome your demons!  The only competition Shaun White is in is the one with himself.

Olympic and Paralympic stories are full of people who overcome, only to fail while daring greatly!  And they get themselves back in the game only to win and they will tell you, it’s what they learn from their failures that have them daring greatly again! This doesn’t happen magically, it happens by doing the work.

All the best to you on your journey!

Love,
MaryAnn Brewer
International Horsemanship Coach and Author
“Changing Lives, One Relationship at a Time”
15,000 served and counting!
Https://MaryAnnBrewer.Com
MaryAnn@MaryAnnBrewer.Com
Join our Facebook Group Here

Advertisements

Groundwork that Transfers to Riding.

When you think of groundwork, what are you actually doing?  Maybe lunging or round penning, maybe cross tying?  These are all potentially helpful skills to teach your horse but do they help you in your riding?

Here are two tips to transfer your groundwork into riding and to create a horse who is as light as a want to! 

Tip one:
When you interact with your horse on the ground, do it from the riding area.  This will create a habit for your horse of listening to you from behind him (behind his head and neck.)  He will learn to think back to you on the ground so you’ll have a more attentive and connected horse when you ride without the use of bits or tie downs. For more on helping your horse to follow your intention see the blog post called “Horses Push”

Horses tend to put their human’s in front of them.  This way, the prey animal can keep an eye on their predators! It takes a certain amount of trust to give over leadership.  In a natural herd of horses, the leader does not necessarily go first. If you find it hard to get back to the riding area and send your horse forward see the blog post called “Horses Push.”

You’ll want to be able to lead your horse from the riding area on both the right and left side of your horse.  This is because you ride both sides of your horse and you want them to be mentally as well as physically balanced.

Tip two:
Keep slack in your lead rope.  The way you do this is by creating consistent dialog through your attention to detail and your mental pictures. Your horse will need to participate here.  Give him the responsibility of keeping the slack in the lead rope.

Here are some examples of how to hold your horse to account for keeping slack in his lead rope.

  1. Begin by not using cross ties but give your horse responsibility by ground tying in the barn aisle.  Put your halter and lead rope on as usual and drop the lead rope on the floor and say, in words and body language, stay. I use wait.  The word doesn’t matter as much as the consistency.  Pick a word and use it consistently and it only means stand still right there.  If he steps on his lead rope, stay calm and let him get off of it, it is his responsibility to keep slack in the lead rope.

    Parkle
    This person took the idea of giving her horse the responsibility of maintaining gait and direction by asking him to stay in his stall and wait for her while she retrieves her saddle from the tack room across the aisle.  This was a process that started with a halter and lead rope, a commitment to communication and attention to putting him back every time he came out of his stall.  This is a whole horse approach to horsemanship.
  2. When you are walking, have a lead rope that is long enough for your horse to be able to keep slack in the lead rope and not step on it or you.
    If your horse is not used to keeping the slack in the lead rope, he may think the slack means he should take up the slack and go out to the end of the rope and maybe move in circles around you.  This is not his fault, he has been taught this way of moving together.  Change can be challenging for people and horses so be patient.  To fix this, walk alongside of a fence or object that your horse will not step on or run over.  If you feel like you are not safe, bring a stick of some sort so you can claim the space around you that you need to keep yourself safe.  Be clear and committed to your projected path and your horse will see it.

    Screen Shot 2018-01-15 at 7.39.31 AM
    This person is doing a nice job of keeping slack in the lead rope, walking in the riding area and  using the big solid wall to support her idea. This horse is calm, connected and doing the exact right thing.  When your horse is accustomed to being responsible for his own path and not stepping on yours, you will be able to walk all over without your horse taking the slack out of the lead rope or stepping in your space.   This is work that transfers directly to riding.

     

    Ultimately the goal is to give your horse responsibilities,  to think about what we want and contribute to the relationship instead of just being controlled and managed.  In this frame of mind, a higher mental state,  it is the relationship that we ride and the relationship that keeps everyone safe. I like to call this a two way street of communication instead of a one way road.  This is not about making him do it or showing him who is boss. This is about educating your horse to always be in communication.  It’s about creating an environment of cooperation and collaboration where both horse and human give their best to the relationship.

    Taking it to riding
    The key here is to bring the same exact thinking and physical strategies and discoveries to your riding.  This can be hard (without support) because we (horses and humans) have habitual ways of riding that we don’t even know about.  You need to bring the same slack to your reins that you found in your lead rope.  You will need to allow your horse to take the responsibility of maintaining gait and direction only now, you will be on top of your horse touching him.  Just like the photos above, you’ll offer your horse exactly what you want and keep clarifying until he completely understands. You’ll do this with kindness as if you were helping a small child to learn or someone from a foreign land.

    Your clear picture with body language that matches will be important.  For example, if you want your horse to walk on a loose rein, you have to put the slack in the rein, release your breathe, sit deep and have a walk energy in your body.  If, you are used to using your reins to maintain gait, this might be challenging.  To troubleshoot this challenge, get off of your horse, go back to the ground and isolate how you maintain the walk with slack in the lead rope.  Then go back to riding and do the exact same thing.   I’v explained this is a video here to help you further.  It’s called the “Magical Problem Solving Formula!” 

    Enjoy the journey! If I can help, reach out here!
    MaryAnn Brewer
    International Horsemanship Coach
    “Changing Lives, One Relationship at a Time”
    15,000 served and counting!
    MaryAnnBrewer.Com

    Mary Ann got her first horse as an adult 27 years ago. Dreaming all day long of horses and noticing how her horsemanship studies seemed to inform all of her relationships, Mary Ann sold her business and went away to horsemanship school in 2005. Helping more than 15,000 people by way of the horse, MaryAnn now coaches people worldwide to live the dream of horseownership, safe and having fun, completely connected, in peace with grace and confidence!